Finally

This runner was the luckiest bastard I have ever seen. The man was a fucking moron, constantly making the same stupid fucking mistakes over and over, yet every time I got close enough kill him something happened to throw me off his trail.

The first time it happened, I was chasing him down a set of motel stairs. He was out of my reach so I threw my ax at him. I fucking had him, and then he tripped over his shoelace and fell down the stairs. The ax missed him by an inch, and instead hit the fire extinguisher on the wall. The fire extinguisher went off explosively and by the time I recovered he was gone.

The second time I was chasing him down a street. A car skidded on the ice and forced me to duck into an alley to avoid being run over. The car skidded to a stop directly in front of the alley, and I had to climb over it to get out. The runner was long gone by the time I got back to the street.

The third time I was chasing him up a skyscraper. He took the only working elevator, and I had to run up the damn stairs. I beat the elevator to the top floor, and the doors opened. He saw me and got this horrified look on his face, as he realized he had nowhere else to run. I ran for the elevator, planning on killing him there. Then the power went out, and some guy, who is now dead, ran into me and knocked us both over. By the time the backup generators or whatever-the-fuck kicked on he was gone a-fucking-gain.

The fourth and final time he pulled this shit it sorta backfired on him. One second he was running along a bridge, the next second he was falling onto a fucking boat which just so fucking happened to be right by the fucking bridge at the exact fucking moment he fell. But the boat wasn’t traveling that fast so I just jumped after him. After that it was easy to corner him and chop his legs, arms, and head off. In that order. Then I had to dispose of the other people on the boat who were staring at me in horror/screaming, and that took several hours…

I woulda been back a week ago, really, but I wanted to stick around and see how the cleanup crew was going to deal with that boat. [You know how much our cleanup crew enjoys my company, boss. I couldn’t resist.] They staged it to look like a drugs bust gone horribly wrong or something stupid like that, and then they sunk the boat.

Mission complete. I’m on my way back.

And stop messing with my blog layout. Thia.