A Report

Because Ao keeps forwarding me emails from angry high ranking people demanding updates:

Ao is…somewhere, Skoll is at the Mansion, Ire is probably still in jail as I have not yet done the paperwork to free him, and Coyote is almost finished with his mission. He’s also not speaking to me. Apparently, he’s still pissed about me tackling him off his target’s roof on April first. He can be surprisingly petty at times.

As for me, I have been living on the streets…all by myself…in the rain…because Ao kicked me out of the Mansion for the duration of April. I didn’t even do anything that bad this year.

While I’m out here, I might as well do something useful. I’ve tracked down a small group of Runners, and I plan to eliminate them this evening.

All shall look upon this blog and despair. hehe

I like this background much better than that other hideous thing.


...you probably shouldn’t have given me administrator privileges.

Not much you can do about it now though.

Tomorrow is going to suck, but right now I don’t care~

<3

April 1st

Best holiday evar.

Hey. Hey Ire. Get that thing I sent ya?

Oh and Coyote knows I’m tailing him now. I regret nothing.

Assignment Report

As you all fucking know I got a letter from a ferret-faced bastard that Ao absolutely despises, telling me about an assignment. Why the fuck did he send a stupid letter anyway?

Ferret-Face granted me the honor of monitoring a sort of loop/pocket dimension and torturing its occupant. Boring shit, for the most part. Normally I would have told him to go fuck himself, but since the loop’s occupant was this prick… The potential fun outweighed the potential boredom.

The work was easy, just to my liking. I’d go in, smack the fucker around a little, and leave. Leaving the loop was disorienting as hell, but it was worth it. Right up until some black haired skinny bastard appeared out of fucking nowhere and ruined every-fucking-thing. Ferret failed to mention North had people who would come looking for him, of course.

So I entered the loop one day, and I heard someone hacking up a lung behind me. I turned around and saw the above mentioned black haired skinny bastard. I immediately tried to decapitate him with my trusty axe, but he sprang out of the way like a fucking rabbit.

I went after him, and he continued to dodge me. I tried to goad him into attacking me, but he just stared at me with a blank fucking look on his face. Eventually I got my axe stuck in the fucking wall, and he stabbed me with something. I ripped the axe out of the wall and knocked him back. North then appeared in a doorway and shot at me, but in his state he couldn’t hit the broad side of a fucking barn, so I ignored him and focused on the speedy guy. He was distracted and I darted forward to break his shoulder. He dodged my attack, but I still got him in the arm, and I went after him again while he was still reeling. I fucking HAD him…and then he tripped me and stabbed me in the neck again. Everything gets a little hazy after that.

I woke up, left the loop, and found myself standing on top of what was left of a house. HE had shown up directly after I had fallen unconscious, apparently, and had teleported North and the skinny guy though the house to the point were it couldn’t withstand His influence and crumbled.

…

The End. That’s it. Go away. Fuck you all.

Goddamn son of a motherfucking bitch.

I got a letter.

From a certain Ferret.

And it’s addressed to Ire.


Ahem: Dearest Ire, (*gag*)

I just happened to stumbled across a peculiar assignment today, and I believe you would be perfectly suited for it.

This assignment involves a certain someone with whom you are not amicable with (well that really narrows it down), so there is some incentive in that. You remember [REDACTED], I presume?

The assignment itself is pretty straight forward; all you would need to do is [REDACTED]…[REDACTED]…[REDACTED].
It would be “like shooting fish in a barrel,” or however the saying goes. (*eye roll*)

If you could please [REDACTED]…
…for me, I would be eternally grateful. You would also be rewarded, of course, though I believe the work would be its own reward in this case, hmm?

If you do decide to accept the assignment, please email me at [REDACTED] for more details.

Signed,
[REDACTED/(The Ferrety Bastard)]

PS: Send Caeruleus my greetings.

Bored.

When Miss Ao said I was to go on a mission, I thought I would be going on an actual mission, not this boring venture that I’ve been sworn to secrecy over.

Miss Ao has requested an update, but as this is a…secret mission, all I can say is that it is progressing slowly.

This is so demeaning.

…

You guys do realize that the target you sent me to scare was away on vacation for all this time, right? I got here the 12th and I’ve not been able to do much to the target directly…..as the target was not actually here…….

I did however break into his house and move all his furniture around, just to mess with him. The day after that I got hungry and broke into his house to raid his fridge. The day after that it started raining, so I took shelter in the guy’s garage, waiting for him to show up….. Ten minutes after I took shelter in his garage the temperature dropped, so I broke into his house again and stayed there until today. Sadly the guy (Garret Meijer, according to his electric bill) returned today, and I was forced to jump out a window to avoid being spotted.

….so Thia, how’s your mission going?

Coyote

Since you’ve proven yourself capable of defending yourself, or at the very least, capable of surviving minor injuries, I believe you’re ready for your first mission.

Edit: I have a mission for you as well, Thia.

Finally

This runner was the luckiest bastard I have ever seen. The man was a fucking moron, constantly making the same stupid fucking mistakes over and over, yet every time I got close enough kill him something happened to throw me off his trail.

The first time it happened, I was chasing him down a set of motel stairs. He was out of my reach so I threw my ax at him. I fucking had him, and then he tripped over his shoelace and fell down the stairs. The ax missed him by an inch, and instead hit the fire extinguisher on the wall. The fire extinguisher went off explosively and by the time I recovered he was gone.

The second time I was chasing him down a street. A car skidded on the ice and forced me to duck into an alley to avoid being run over. The car skidded to a stop directly in front of the alley, and I had to climb over it to get out. The runner was long gone by the time I got back to the street.

The third time I was chasing him up a skyscraper. He took the only working elevator, and I had to run up the damn stairs. I beat the elevator to the top floor, and the doors opened. He saw me and got this horrified look on his face, as he realized he had nowhere else to run. I ran for the elevator, planning on killing him there. Then the power went out, and some guy, who is now dead, ran into me and knocked us both over. By the time the backup generators or whatever-the-fuck kicked on he was gone a-fucking-gain.

The fourth and final time he pulled this shit it sorta backfired on him. One second he was running along a bridge, the next second he was falling onto a fucking boat which just so fucking happened to be right by the fucking bridge at the exact fucking moment he fell. But the boat wasn’t traveling that fast so I just jumped after him. After that it was easy to corner him and chop his legs, arms, and head off. In that order. Then I had to dispose of the other people on the boat who were staring at me in horror/screaming, and that took several hours…

I woulda been back a week ago, really, but I wanted to stick around and see how the cleanup crew was going to deal with that boat. [You know how much our cleanup crew enjoys my company, boss. I couldn’t resist.] They staged it to look like a drugs bust gone horribly wrong or something stupid like that, and then they sunk the boat.

Mission complete. I’m on my way back.

And stop messing with my blog layout. Thia.

I fucking hate it when Runners think they can get away from me by getting up high. It makes no sense, and I wind up having to run up thirty fucking flights of stairs because the goddamn elevators were busy.

Internet’s back up

See? Told you I could fix it.

Shall we begin?

Coyote, we start your training in one hour.

Ire, sober up. I have a target for you.

Thia, clean up your “decorations.”